


Mix Sense Fun the Twitcher

by ikkiM



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-07
Updated: 2017-10-07
Packaged: 2019-01-09 23:37:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12286614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ikkiM/pseuds/ikkiM
Summary: Brienne finds herself on a hike alone with Jaime Lannister. It wouldn't be so awful if he would juststop singing.





	Mix Sense Fun the Twitcher

**Author's Note:**

  * For [NamelessPasserby](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NamelessPasserby/gifts), [bearsofair](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bearsofair/gifts).



> So...I wrote some song fic.  
> I'm gifting this to the amazing moderators at [JBOnline](http://w11.zetaboards.com/Jaime_x_Brienne/index/). Thank you Erin, Dawn, zuzu's petals and NamelessPasserby. You make it all so much easier.

Brienne Tarth was ready to strangle Jaime Lannister. Her co-worker was sharp, witty, intelligent, gorgeous and completely annoying. She had no idea how she had gotten stuck alone with him on a bonding hike during their corporate retreat weekend, but if they didn’t find their way back to camp soon, she was going to throw him down and stuff his mouth full of leaves just to shut him up.

For the first hour, he’d just talked. She’d heard about his childhood, his brother, his pet dog, the type of underpants he found most comfortable and that he preferred using a water-based lubricant for masturbation rather than a lotion. Why he felt the need to share these things, Brienne had no idea, but that image had taken up residence in her thoughts. She didn’t think she’d ever be able to look at him the same way again.

Not that they had many secrets from one other. It had been two years since they’d met and had been assigned to work on the Riverlands Project. Two years it had taken them to move from distrustful to begrudging respect to actually preferring one another’s company to that of their often vacuous colleagues.

During the second hour of their hike, he had taken to asking her questions. What was her favorite dessert, if she could vacation anywhere in Westeros, where would she go, what type of underpants did she prefer? So many questions, each more intimate than the last. Her face had burned so hot that the entire wooded hillside was in danger of bursting into flames.

But she would gladly go back to his incessant and embarrassing questions if only he would _stop singing_. For all of his physical gifts, the perfect jawline, the thick golden hair that fell perfectly, the sculpted body, Jaime Lannister’s singing voice was terrible. His warbling was something between the gobbling of a frightened turkey and the lowing of an injured cow.

Still, she could tolerate that. She could. She knew she could. If only he would sing the words of the songs correctly.

She would never be able to hear Wonderwall again without thinking, _Hey Bee, you’re the one who let me see, ‘cause after all, it was Harrenhal_. Which of course reminded her of accidentally walking naked into the sauna to find him already there, also naked. Brienne flushed at the memory.

That had nothing on him belting out, _I’m your Jaime in bottle, please love me the right way_ and, _Hump, hump, hump around, stand up, stand up, I’ll go down._ Brienne barely remembered the second song as something played at sporting venues and certainly not with the indecent overtones Jaime put into the lyrics.

Brienne needed to get back to camp soon. She stopped to check her map. She knew they were on the right trail. It couldn’t be much longer.

Jaime belted out what she hoped was the end of his latest song,

“ _I hope she might love me_  
_Don’t you steal my Brie-shine_  
_I’m sure I’m in way too deep_  
_Don’t you steal my Brie-shine_.”

Brienne shuddered. “It will probably take us twenty minutes back to camp if we take this shortcut.” Anything to end this Hike from Hell. She wiped her forehead.

Jaime grinned at her. “Come on, I’m just getting into this. It’s fun.” His green eyes sparkled. He was barely even sweating. “This is supposed to be an exercise in trust and bonding, right? I’m not feeling the bonding here, Beanstalk.”

She could feel her face reddening not just from the heat and the physical exertion, but from the way he looked at her, as if he saw her, _everything_ about her. She scowled at him. “Are you ever going to stop using that ridiculous nickname, you idiot?”

He tilted his head, looking up and to his right as if truly considering her question. Then he met her eyes again and answered, as she knew he would, “Nope.”

She considered trying to slap the handsomeness from his face, but knew that would be impossible. She pulled a bottle of water from her backpack and took a long drink, hoping it would cool her body and her temper.

He reached for the bottle and took a drink after her, not even bothering to wipe the top first. He couldn’t care less about exchanging germs with her. But with his mouth full of liquid, at least he was silent. He re-capped the bottle and handed it to her with a wink.

And then he started again.

“ _Get free from the bearded gnarly,_  
_Rightly, look at my fine, fine ass,_  
_Hing, ring, you ignore my rep_  
_You wear that blue and I will clean that mess_.”

Brienne cringed, turned and began marching back to camp. She couldn’t get there fast enough.

“ _Oh, Miss Brie, beneath the silky highlight_  
_Lead me right to your bedroom door_  
_Gift your perfect hand_  
_Bike on the land and make the fireflies prance Tarth moon’s sparkling_  
_So, bliss tree_.”

She was going to kill him. It was a stupid, insipid song and now she would be singing it all day. Not singing it _his_ way though. The real lyrics would be stuck in her head.

“ _Kiss spree, on your open blue blouse,_  
_Swing free, because I’m just on fire_  
_Bling bling, bling your yoga mat_  
_You’ve got my heart caught in your siren’s trap_.”

She ground her teeth. She couldn’t take it anymore. Not one more poorly sung, ridiculously wrong lyric. _Not one more_.

“ _Liss sea, atop the milky calcite,_  
_Read me, some of your dune pit lore,_  
_Hike up the land, and make the chastise lance upswing,_  
_So, bliss she_.”

Brienne rounded on him, grabbed him by the collar and twisted the material. “It’s _Kiss Me_ , you idiot, not miss sea or get free or hat bee or whatever it is you’re saying. It’s _Kiss Me_ , Jaime Lannister. _Kiss Me_ , got it?” she growled.

A slow smile spread across his face. He looked down at her mouth and his eyes darkened as he replied, “Well Beanstalk, it took you long enough to ask.”

 


End file.
